Press Release: December 5th, 2019
From: Michigan Wolverines Football Club, Ann Arbour Michigan

Reuters Press: After winning the 2025 AXC Conference Championship game, the Milwaukee Buzzsaw ownership group, perhaps sensing some impending hardships, surprisingly declared bankruptcy and the team went into autopilot for the 2026 season. Without any human organizational leadership, they plummeted to a 6-10 finish in 2026 and the financial management of the team went into a tailspin as well and some talented players are on the cusp of leaving.

Emerging from a cold northern climate, a new owner, a grizzled fantasy veteran with a penchant for righting wrongs, bought the team and has moved it to Michigan, reviving the storied and once proud Wolverine franchise known for their fearlessness, bold strategies and unparalleled success. When asked about his game planning methodology he said: “football is war, always has been, always will be” and then quoted Sun Tzu: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles…. let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”

When asked about the leadership style he intends to bring to the team, perhaps wearing some of his heart on his sleeve, he quoted Tom Landry: “ Leadership is about getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve something they want to achieve.” He announced the team will also honor the former Wolverine legacy and, perhaps showing some of his age, have renamed their MVP award the Anthony Carter Memorial Trophy. He then abruptly walked off the podium and said: “I have no more time for the frivolities and niceties of some soft press conference, I have warriors to find and train, a battle to prepare for and a war to win. GO WOLVERINES!”

Love the AC #1 award

For Immediate Release: Heads are Rolling!

After a strong and promising start to the season, the Michigan Wolverines have mired themselves in a four game losing streak and will miss the playoffs for the second straight year, the first under new management. The Ownership Group recently tweeted: “We are losing the battles this year, but the war is not over. When you have a 243lb rookie fullback leading your team in receptions you know you have to make some changes and we will make those changes!”

Striking like a falling thunderbolt, the Wolverines have since fired and replaced six junior members of their coaching staff in the last two weeks. Rumors are circulating more coaching strikes at the higher levels are still to come. The ownership group tweeted: “ We are continuing to have discussions with our coaching and scouting staff and we will be looking to make further strategic decisions soon. We will make the playoffs next year!”

Tough talk from an ownership group that, at best, can’t even hope to hit .500 this year. The Wolverines do seem, however, to be a franchise that is not willing to sit idly by and be left in the dust and appear to be ready to make the needed bold moves to right their young sinking ship.